So Christmas is creeping up around the corner and you’re so deadly broke that a ‘night out’ has simply become a synonym for ‘watching Eastenders at a friends’ house’.  Well fear not! For those of you who are short on funds but have plenty of time on your hands, I have the perfect gift idea.

Sockmonkeys make great toys for children (or, if your sewing skills are less robust) thoughtful presents for adults. I mean, that’s the joy of handmade things after all, so long as they aren’t utterly hideous beyond all redemption, the receiver will be so touched that you actually spent time -  time that could have been spent googling your name or chewing your nails -  thinking of them and repeatedly pricking your finger with a needle, they won’t care if their gift looks like a slightly wonky gangbanger (see below).

Anyway, I digress. How to make a Sockmonkey.

You will need socks (duh), pins, a needle and thread, cotton wool (or something to stuff it with) and buttons for eyes. Geek that I am, I scoured charity shops until I found eye-like buttons and had to suffer the ignominy of a shop assistant cooing about the invisible child I had just bought a smock for in the process, but really any will do.  Child sized socks actually make quite good sized monkeys and take a little less time and stuffing, but don’t bother with knee socks unless you want a really long limbed chimp and have a box set of 24 or something to sit through.

Take one sock and turn it inside out. Fold it in half and pin.  Sew two inverted L shapes, ending about a centimetre away from the heel. You can use a sewing machine for this, but I am a glutton for finger pricks, so did the whole thing by hand. Then cut in the space between them.

Click on any of the photos to be taken to my Flickr account to check out my badass *cough* bad *cough* stitching in more detail, incidentally.

When you are finished with step two, take out the pins. Carefully turn the sock inside out through the hole under the heel (monkeycrotch!) until the sock is the right way around again and you have a sort of Y shape with a saggy bum area.  Take your stuffing and carefully stuff through the monkeycrotch until you end up with a figure shaped like the one below.

Sew up that monkeycrotch et voila! It’s a torso with legs. Bwess.

Now take your second sock and turn it inside out. Cut off the toes and heel but keep the latter. Sew another L shape from the ankle to the toe end and cut off. This will be your tail. For future reference, the remaining ankle part of the sock will be the arms, whilst the ‘under foot’ bit will be the ears.

Take the tail and carefully turn it inside out. Then stuff it. Unless you are supremely thin fingered, a chop stick or pencil might help with this bit.

You will next need to make the arms. One arm will be an ‘L’ shape like the arms and tail, but the other arm will have to have both sides sewed together. Much pinning and cursing will happen at this juncture.  After this little bit of tedium is complete, turn and stuff the arms like the tail.

Once you have made your little sock appendages, you will need to sew them onto your monkey at the appropriate places. I think in retrospect I attached my arms a little far back on my monkey, but eeeey wonky is cute (as my dear old Mum always reassured me)

You will now need that heel, as it is your monkey’s snout. It looks best if you put a little bit of stuffing underneath it to pad it out, so sew the top half, put the stuffing in, pin and then sew the underside. Now it the time to employ all your badass sewing skillz, as these are the most visible stitches.

After the snout is done, you will need to sew on the eyes. You should also pause for a moment and consider the fact that an ankle design plus a coloured toe makes your monkey slightly resemble a gangster rapper.

Nearly done.. now, for some ears to make your creation more chimp and less pimp. Take the remaining part of the second sock (the under foot part) and divide like so. You will discard the long bit, but a couple of C shapes and some gentle turning should result in a pair of ears.  Sew them onto the sides of your monkeys head. You will then probably want to sew a mouth and nostrils, but at this point it’s all about freestyling (ie, you will probably find a better way to do this than me and my sausage fingers did)

*drumroll*

Monkey!

Total Cost, 1 Sockmonkey:  £2.29:

Socks: £0.70 (£2.00 for three pairs)

Cotton wool: 99p (enough for three monkeys)

Pins: 10p (in like, 1987, I found them in the junk drawer)

Child’s smock with eye-like buttons from charity shop - 50p

Your friend’s face on Christmas day: Surprised, flattered, possibly a bit let down if they were expecting designer makeup.

Total Saved: £7.71

(based on average price of sockmonkey in store, £10 )